How to Connect and Stay Happy Despite War

Over the past 10 months, we have been under tremendous stress as a nation that has not abated. Since October 7th, when the adrenaline rush began, there has been a constant sense of uncertainty and anxiety. After all, we are at war, a war that threatens the very existence of our nation.

I think I’ve always felt like we were at war in some way. This war is definitely different and actually quite scary, and no one really knows where this is going and what things are going to look like a month from now.

Can we declare victory over Hamas, push back Hezbollah, and let people return home? Will our hostages come home? Will Iran attack again as it did on the night of April 14th, and miraculously not harm us? Yes, miracles do exist, many of them.

So, with all these threats to our national security, how can we be a generally happy nation? This is confirmed by the most recent UN happiness survey, which found Israel to be the fourth happiest nation out of 130 countries.

An outsider would declare that this finding is impossible and that it cannot be true. However, if you ask Israelis, they will probably agree that despite everything, we are a happy country, full of love for our people and our nation. As the name of our national anthem “Hatikvah” suggests, we never lose hope. And although the above-mentioned happiness rating was stated in 2022, the general facts that form the basis for this high rating are still intact.

A FAMILY sits at a table for a communal dinner. (Photo: Annie Spratt/Unsplash)

There are many explanations in the UN study for why certain countries are happier than others. For Israel, there are certainly many reasons. I have decided to focus on the sense of community, friendship and resilience.

It is true that Israel is facing unique challenges at the moment, but the resilience and sense of community among its people contribute to its happiness. Let’s look at some aspects of why Israelis remain positive, even in difficult times.

Shared purpose and unity

Israelis often come together during national holidays, celebrations and times of crisis. The sense of unity and shared goals fosters strong bonds between citizens.

Serving in the military is a common experience, creating connections that transcend backgrounds and social status.

Youth groups provide a strong foundation for friendships and a bonding experience for young people, and they promote the value of friendship.

Community and ‘hevra’

The Hebrew term “hevra” encapsulates the values of friendship and community. Israelis prioritize relationships with family, friends and neighbors.

Whether it’s family gatherings, Shabbat dinners, or informal gatherings, these connections provide emotional support.

Relationships formed in the military or during Sherut Leumi (national service) create strong bonds because these are powerful experiences. These bonds last for many Israelis throughout their lives.

Aliyah

People who have moved to Israel often connect with others who are going through the same thing. Very often, younger people and/or families connect with people who have had similar experiences and share the trials and tribulations of moving to a new country.

My wife and I certainly experienced this in Haifa, where we started, and we became very good friends with other English speakers, and formed our own community of friendship and support. Many years later, we still maintain many of these friendships.

Small country, strong ties

Israel’s small size means that events – both joyful and tragic – touch nearly everyone. The interconnectedness creates a sense of shared destiny.

Whether celebrating a national achievement or mourning a loss, Israelis stand together.

Miracles and gratitude

Recognizing miracles, big and small, contributes to a positive attitude.

Gratitude for life, freedom, and the ability to thrive despite challenges enhances feelings of happiness.

OVER THE PAST 10 MONTHS, my wife and I, like many other Israelis, have been on call to help our children and grandchildren, as some of our family members have been directly involved in the war. It is easy to forget about yourself and your own needs.

Like many, we have done our best to exercise and stay positive, and as therapists we have helped others do the same, but during this crisis we have often neglected the need to get together with friends.

Recently we decided to take a break from family and invited a very special couple to our Shabbat dinner. It was a wonderful evening and my wife and I were very glad we did.

The evening was a reminder of the importance of maintaining contact with friends, even during the difficulties we are all facing at the moment. Maintaining friendships is undoubtedly one of the greatest secrets of our happiness in Israel.

My advice to others is to reach out to friends – old and new. It will make you feel better and at least give you some control over an important emotional need during these tough days. 

The author is a cognitive behavioral therapist who treats adults and children, as well as couples. He sees clients in Ra’anana and at his clinic in Jerusalem. You can contact him for consultations and/or to schedule online therapy. [email protected]; facebook.com/drmikegropper